The Rules of Software Development

Last year I was working at a large enterprise. Over the summer we had an intern join us, who I couldn't help but show the ropes. We managed to cover several rules of software development in just a few months. After the internship wrapped up, he was nice enough to forward the notes he took while on our team:

  1. Follow your heart
  2. Never volunteer for meetings, because then you become "The Guy"
  7. If all else fails, ask your neighbor
  9. If it's final, then it should be final
 13. Decision trees
 16. Always favor something that saves you 45 seconds
 22. Assertions should assert on something
 52. Monkey patching is for the zookeeper
 72. Always try to work in a place where there are palm trees
 82. Kernel panic is rarely good
 86. If you ever see a cool test, run!
 94. It's all slashes these days
 97. Agile doesn't work if you just hear things
186. Always use an attached keyboard
763. We were talking about splitting purchase orders, 
     they were talking about revision history, 
     now they're talking about splitting purchase orders 
     with revision history, and that's why agile works!

All the best, Michael! This advice will carry you far.

Street Artists & Caricatures

Saturday evening seems to always be a booming time for Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco. The tourists fill the sidewalks, stopping only for crosswalks and to group around entertainers. We blended right in with the tourists and spotted a caricature artist for $5 a face and went for it.

Try 1

Our first artist was a jokester for sure. An expert at small talk and one truly enjoyed the art of making the subjects of his artwork cringe with nervous laughs in discomfort. The topics of outsourcing, the US's viable industries for employment, and H1-B visas were all discussed. Naturally, computer jokes were also present.

So, if you went on a camping trip in the woods, do you think you'd take your laptop?

The final result? Yikes!

Try 2

Recognizing from the first portrait that taking the long way back home may be a good idea for our health, we stumbled upon another artist. His price was $7/face, 40% more.

This artist's talents were more focused on the canvas than smalltalk, and he knew it. Imitating a creator for some of the session, we were party to some Easter-eve comedy.

We'll just give him some weird, introverted skill like painting, that'll shut him up.

Although we weren't certain he wanted to be there after some comments.

This is cutting into my Miller Time

Amazed at how fast he finished, we commented on the speed as he handed us the finished artwork. His response?

Yah, about as fast as I could drink a quart of beer.

And so went the great 2012 $24 caricature experiment. A recurring thing? Perhaps.

---

Weird Fact If you've never gotten a caricature before (I hadn't), it's unbelievable how many people will stop to look at what's being done.

Pattern Recognition

In the opinion of some, good programmers can identify patterns almost as soon as they arise.

Not too long ago, I wrote about a tea factory adventure in Boulder, CO. The self-jabbing humor of the area remarked that it was 25 square miles, surrounded by reality. I rather enjoyed the setting.

Fast forward a few weeks to the start of Project 3 (codename: project tres) and I'm now in San Francisco for the first time.

I'm thoroughly enjoying the walkability, especially for January. It was on one of said walks, just off the dock, that I encountered something familiar.

Ordinarily I'm not one to go inquiring for Jefferson Airplane's take on things, not that there's anything wrong with that, but they are from San Francisco and would seem to know as well as anyone.

Gas City's Public Service

There are plenty of lessons to be learned, and relearned, on the metaphorical road of life.

Fantastically, on the actual roads of 14-hour drive from Little Rock to Detroit, there are several reminders of lessons as well. Somewhere on the less-than-direct freeway route, which encompassed introduced us to a quite memorable tower.

The Gas City, Indiana water tower isn't quite as prominent as Florence Y'all, but it will catch the eye of most every person who enjoys a font or two. Gas City is shockingly labeled with the oft-hated comic sans.

It somehow just doesn't have the seriousness any water-tower-having town should. Special thanks to Gas City for this selfless act, reminding all freeway-takers to double-check their font choice next time. Designers rejoice.

---

If you're unfamiliar with the general disdain for the font that often makes light of serious notices, be sure to check out Comic Sans: The Font Everyone Loves to Hate by Six Revisions.

Another good read is the creator's comments on why comic sans was created at all.

Fun Fact Wondering what freeways one can cover on this northbound route?

• I-630
• I-30
• I-40
• I-55
• I-57
• I-70
• I-69
• I-94
• I-75

Singular y'all

Lunch during the first week is often a troublesome proposition. It's all too easy to get stuck in one's consultant cocoon, never branching out or making new discoveries. I'm glad I didn't get stuck in that trap. Had I never ventured to ZAZA Fine Salad + Wood Oven Co with two client developers, I never would have been introduced to the singular form of "y'all."

Now I'm plenty familiar with y'all, not least because of frequent road trips through Florence, Kentucky; perhaps home of the best watertower ever?

The FLORENCE Y'ALL Water Tower by J. Stephen Conn on Flickr

Kyle Kyle	So what kind of music do y'all like?
Me	I think the team probably all likes different kinds of music.
Kyle Kyle	I know different people like different kinds of music. I'm asking what kind of music y'all like.
Me	Oh. Uh. What?

---

DISCLAIMER In the interest of representing both sides of the story, Kyle Kyle claims to have never said the above and that y'all's singular form doesn't exist. That's not how the other two passengers remember it, however, and I now believe the elusive singular form of y'all to exist.

NOTE Our team consists of two Kyles. The project manager differentiated them early on by naming one "Kyle" and the other "Kyle Kyle"

Fun Fact ZAZA's has some tremendous gelato.